Just recently I was given a preliminary, yet alarming diagnosis of Hashimoto’s disease. A thyroid disorder most notably known for weight gain.  “OMG” said I, “now I’ll never be skinny!”  And then I rewarded my new revelation with a piece of salted caramel chocolate and wondered how anyone in the world could NOT like chocolate.

All my diets fail, because of food. The more I diet, the hangrier I become. Which is sheer insanity because I am always on a diet. Never ever not on a diet. Name a diet, I’ve tried it.

The cabbage soup diet where I ate nothing for days on end but cabbage in broth. It worked. I have tried Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and fasting approaches that include only fresh juices, no actual solids. I’ve done the detox” diet that consisted of water mixed with lemon, honey and cayenne pepper. That one worked great until the 7th day when my friends and I decided it would taste great with tequila.  It does. I have tried intermittent fasting, where you don’t eat for 16 hours after your last meal. I couldn’t quite wrangle this one and my only solution was to come home after dropping my kids off and sleep until it was time to get up and eat. I have tried the “manifestation” diet, where you just visualize yourself skinny and poof! Your car goes where your eyes go type of thing. And then there was the time I was a vegan, except for bacon and that one week where I was committed to cooking and believed that no “real” chef could ever be skinny and put out good food. I still believe this – because if you think Giada eats everything she creates, think again. I’m sure she has professional taste testers do her dirty work while she’s at the gym, not eating. So instead, I would have my kids taste my dinners and give the yes or no, rather than actually trying them myself. And then I would eat carrots.

Those last two diets there – not so much. Although the vegan/bacon one was a triumph!

My latest infatuation includes all raw foods. In my mind, I started this diet 10 days ago, aiming for a 21-day stint. On day one, my daughter made homemade bread, which was so totally rude because I had to eat it…with butter. On day two, a dear friend dropped in for ten minutes to say hello, and two bottles of wine and four and a half hours later = diet blown. I haven’t given up on this plan yet and always start off on the right foot with this one. Fruit in the morning, salad for lunch and it’s all fun and well until someone says “steak”.  So, I’ve invested in a raw cookbook.  Yes, that makes no sense. I’m determined to try this for my thyroid’s sake and I’ve fully committed myself to all the research. Just today I emailed #fullyrawkristina to ask if vodka is raw, or if there is some heating up process involved? I haven’t heard back.

You see, I’m kind of worried about this thyroid thing. But not more worried than I am about the fact that I like food. Chocolate cake more specifically. My yo-yo dieting is very likely the root cause of my thyroid disaster. And so there must be a diet out there to fix that, no? Raw seems like a good option, even if I am down to 13 days of a full 21. I’m determined to try and today is the day. I know it.

Or is it? Why do we do this to ourselves ladies? Why the constant struggle over every morsel? Guess how many of the above diets have worked? All of them. How many of them have stuck? Zero of them. Obviously, a fad diet is not the answer.

Lately I have been studying the habits of truly “skinny” people. News to me: all of them eat. Real food. Small, healthy portions. Several times a day. All of them work hard at their skinniness. With the exception of some freaks of nature, most skinny people don’t take their slender shapes for granted. They put thought into how they treat their bodies – in a non-fad-dieting type of way. My most favorite skinny friend is right now, probably this very second, chewing her one allotted thin mint per day – one hundred times before swallowing. She’s putting her fork down between bites and asking for a take-out box before she’s even touched her food at the restaurant. She’s working on good habits, not dieting. Instead she’s eating the food, she’s working out to balance the food and she’s not terribly worried about it.  (She works out like a lunatic and that’s all for another day).

I’ve got the hard work portion of the program down. I can commit to regular exercise and I do. I’ve taken what God has blessed me with and made the very best of it. But I’m constantly trying to tweak that which cannot be tweaked. Sure, I can avoid the chocolate cake and maybe sometimes the tequila (it’s good for digestion is all I’m saying), but I can also watch the scale creep up and jump into my jeans four times instead of the usual twice to get them on. OR I can start on a really, truly healthy version of myself.  A girl who lives her life in moderation, not deprivation. A watcher of what I eat as opposed to an indulger of what I crave.

I know what the good foods are. They are bountiful and you can eat them in an unrelenting fashion. They come from the earth and only have tens of calories. We all know this. I also know what my triggers are (did you say wine?) and how they interact with the way I eat. Most importantly, I know that Christine 2.0 won’t happen without focus and determination. And so off I go. Mostly raw and a little not is the best I can do. A little tequila here and there and I’m all in. Instead of watching my skinny friends operate I am keeping a close eye on how people like me function. People who are working their tushies off to achieve a goal they have set for themselves and no one else.  And not in the purely physical sense either. I’m watching the spiritual work happen as well. It’s inspiring. I’m tired thanks to my thyroid, but there are answers out there and I’m going to find them. One leg at a time.

Stay tuned.